Make Actual Changes & Lean Into Action to Get Out of The Mind

Letter From Renee, February 2023

Well into the second month of the year, the excitement of our new year resolutions are fading, and most of them have already been broken. There is something about the freshness of a new year, perhaps a feeling of new beginning, an opportunity for rebirth. I’ve been reflecting on the process of making change, stepping into and past fear, and really moving life in the direction of our choosing. This has so little to do with wanting to do something, or feeling a call to do something, but more to do with the actual action and work of doing something.

The mind itself is not designed to facilitate, encourage and allow our sprouting to flourish so much as it is to maintain order, a sense of predictability, a sense of safety and practicality. The problem is that this describes how we remain stagnant, how we get stuck, and stunt our own growth. There is no way to leap forward in a new year, to make changes that matter to us, to continue crafting our very own rich, full, connected and meaningful life, without relating to the mind differently.

The difference is not in purely thinking more “positive thoughts” or working on your “mindset” more - both of these perspectives make me cringe, to be honest - but rather to learn through practice that our thoughts can be both unhelpful and ridiculous, and also have little to no control over the direction of our lives. Just this morning as I filmed workshops for my upcoming Attuned Parent course, I thought, “there’s no way I can do this today… I am tired… I just don’t have enough time…” and so on. And yet, I did it and completed all I set out to do today and more.

The craft that I’ve been intentional about in my life is leaning into the action of my goals and valued-direction. Being action-orientated, over planning, analysing, talking to others or filling this time with unimportant tasks. Leaning into action means that we do the thing, we make the change, we bring our ridiculous thoughts and stories, our uncomfortable emotions, and focus on just doing it. As I continue to dive deeper and deeper into this new concept of process-based therapy that I have started to stare, I reflect on how it inherently relies upon what psychologists would refer to as “exposure work”.

Exposure work is a large foundation of therapy. Talking about our fears, anxieties, unhelpful core beleifs and allowing space for our difficult emotions, uncomforable memories, or allowing acknowlegdement of things we would simply prefer to avoid, push down and bury away, is effective in itself because it exposes us to them. As we speak about them with a skilled therapist, it can also facilitate the processing of them. Yes there are many more complex and advanced therapeutic processes and skills that can be supportive, this foundational step cannot be surpassed.

Why am I telling you this? We are going to explore how you can become more aligned action-orientated, not in setting high expectactions that you feel you can never reach, by in clarifying that even with all of unhelpful thoughts and uncomfortable emotions, you can make the new changes, behaviours or habits that you’re longing to create - to move the needle of your life in a direction that you desire. This might relate to your parenting, or it may just relate to you. Which I teach and promise, will support you to show up as a better version of yourself as a parent too.

Self-Reflection Prompts

Making meaningful (and actual) change:

Is there something you want to add back into your life? Is there something that brings you vitality, value and makes you feel more the real “you”? Jot down how you can carve out the space for it first and foremost, and secondly, clarify what the action-orientated steps are that you can schedule in and make, that will move the needle.

Our ridiculous thoughts in parenting:

How much are you thinking about your parenting and connecting with your child instead of actually connecting? How often are you “in your head” about your relationship with your child instead of BEING in relationship with your child. And how could you bring more presence and ease into being with your child or family?

Parenting Strategy of the Month

I want to encourage you to bring into your mind one intention or resolution you had for the new year, and consider how you can operationalise it by describe the action or set of actions that would associate with your intention. For example, your intention is that you want to work on emotionally intelligent parenting.

The operationalised actions could be:

1. I will take a deep breath and step back when I notice I am triggered

2. I will model my own emotional awareness more by saying “I am feeling…. today”

3. I will try to verbally state and validate my child’s emotions by saying something like “you seem frustrated… I get that…”

Keep an eye on Instagram for more ideas on this topic and reach out if you have any questions. I can’t give individual advice, however, can cover general themes the following week.

Ideas I’m Exploring

Doing the thing is exposure, which may be as good as, or better than therapy. Over the last month or so, I have had very clear intentions that I feel I have succeeded by not focussing on the outcome, but by focussing on, trusting and following the process of action. We step into our lives by taking the actual first step.

Of doing the thing, and in doing so, I am more than halfway finishing my brand new course that may just be my best body of work to date, Attuned Parent: The Parenting Process to Imprint Psychological Vitality. You are going to love this course, and are invited to join the waitlist on my website if you’re a parent wanting to feel completely empowered, competent and self-assured in your ability to support your child’s psychological mental health to thrive (and your own along the way).

I will leave you with a quote by Wallace D. Wattles

“Do not wait for a change of environment before you act; get a change of environment by action.

You can so act upon the environment in which you are now as to cause yourself to be transferred to a better environment.

Hold with faith and purpose the vision of yourself in the better environment, but act upon your present environment with all your heart, and with all your strength, and with all your mind.”

Dr Renee Cachia is an Australian–based psychologist in private practice specialising in childhood, adolescent and parenting development. Her first book is Parenting Freedom: Transform Stress and Depletion to Connectedness and Meaning. To connect on socials, follow @innerpracticebyrenee. If you’re interested to learn about her upcoming workshops, ensure you are on the email list on this website www.innerpractice.com.au.